why do serial cheaters want to stay married

I was new to the job and he was a tease and a flirt. I feel sorry for him, because I know he, like me, had to learn some very painful life lessons. According to a 2010 to 2017 General Social Survey issued by the Institute for Family Studies, 20% of men and 13% of women have had sex with someone who was not their spouse. "It's . 1) would have been to be seen. I have been on high alert for signs but have found none. My hope is that the affair was the catalyst for them to work on a marriage that clearly wasnt dead (as has happened with my h and I ). BAM, NOW WHO DA BOSS?? He is just a guy who is extremely easy to work with a attempts to build harmony in his team. Knowing him, he would be afraid to go to HR because he did not want to cause a fuss and would be too embarrassed. May you have many more years together, growing together, and may your husband continue to recognize and show gratitude for the jewel that he has had all along. "Calling out the wrong name in the heat of passion is a faux pas that's hard to backpedal," Winter explained, while pet names are easy to remember, especially if someone is sleeping with multiple partners. Im sure you felt all kinds of crazy emotions after you talked to him. As relationship expert and author April Masini tells Bustle, serial cheaters are used to cheating. I catch up with friends rarely, and just pick up where we left off when we do meet. The truth is, anyone can be unfaithful it just depends on how you define the term. This is deplorable. He still wont marry her and since he wont marry her, she uses this story as alleged proof of further insult to her right as a woman to be treated like Queen. My h knew before how much he meant to me, and now he knows even more, and he shows me more than ever before. Without those sob stories they know they are nothing more than feral dogs and the relationship is pointless. Red flag 2: The fact that he heaped positive attention on someone he just met that is also a narcissists ploy to hook nice people into being under his spell. He has always kind of been a flirt when I take my youngest to see him, even though he is married. For details, lets divide it into five major parts . Its important to point out that not every unfaithful spouse has a personality disorder, nor does every spouse with some degree of personality disorder engage in infidelity. Then he sets a boundary and she emails me againand on and on. Sometimes we all need to hear the cold, hard truth even if its hard to take. But, I am glad you are standing up for yourself by removing yourself from the situation. A recent study by Scott K. Knopp and associates at the Department of Psychology, University of Denver, showed that people who cheated on a partner were three times more likely to cheat in their next relationship. The answer is, you can't. However, this is a question only you can answer as every situation is different. I think all this talking is shaking me up so I may just observe for a while. And Im not saying this in a negative sense. According to Dr. Nelson, the claim, "once a cheater, always a cheater" isn't necessarily true. I just have NO tolerance for those that continue to run roughshod through their own lives, wreaking havoc on others with no impunity is when I get all judgmental. I just sent the same thing to them and BEFORE I read yours. When they say I do to their future bride or groom, they already have their sights and intention set to cheat, which is how they live. Especially to people like fast food workers, cashiers, etc. Dont let that lesson go to waste. This kind of behavior, however, is a reflection of something deeply rooted inside of them. Thanks again for your honesty and your perspective. And what's most heartbreaking about these statistics is, of those who had been cheated on and found out about it, most probably never saw it coming at least, not until it was too late. Hes a good guy who got caught up and manipulated in something he was just not smart enough to get out of. He works in an environment where everyone works in a large room that is full of computers and everyone is always around the other. If he were single and dating, this would not go over well. I think that is actually a good thing though , cause you will not see him in a positive light and not have good memories of your relationship. Have heard that before too- that sex with the AP is usually over-rated. He knew that it would be easy enough to pull you into it for many reasons the most important factor being that you were re-entering the workforce and you were unsure of yourself. SP in answer to your request for suggestions: As the CS, I am wondering if my APs wife could have done anything that would have stopped us in our tracks. He has not worked with her for 3 weeks. She only wanted to answer to the men. Knowing that my emotional safety, sense of security and general well-being were put last without my knowledge has altered me. The other things learned thru this is that these are not strong women and men. According to Callisto, individuals might opt to stay in this kind of relationship more because of how they feel about themselves rather than anything to do with their cheating partner. Typically, most married men who are serial cheaters begin to groom their intended target by showering them with compliments, acting as a shoulder to lean on, or even going so far as to bring them . I hope and pray that you find peace soon as well as a loving support system. People from all sorts of backgrounds and with all types of personality are capable of cheating. This could be alcohol, drugs, gaming, or gambling. Sometimes, the husband cheated but doesn't want divorce out of guilt. You make a very good point. However, someone who only cheated once and came clean to you is more likely to remain faithful going forward than someone with a long pattern of infidelity. They will. Cinderella is kind of a bitch. One-time cheaters are less likely to manipulate your relationship in a way that suits their needs. It doesnt matter what job you have (or the ap has) there will always be another you or another him and it will happen again until you wont allow it to happen again. Marriages only exist because of the level of respect and commitment each partner has for the other. Oops, should say say not see. Youre absolutely right. Did his wife ever acknowledge your letter to her? Your heart must have been broken. It could have turned out so different. We do things as husband and wife, but I an tell we are not intimately connected. My ex-husband was cheating from day 1 as well. He some balls asking you to keep his secret. TryingHard, Some common reactions to this trauma include: Your brain slows everything down so that you are able to take it all in slowly, trying to minimize the horror of what your partner has done. (Number 1 is you). What I was blown away by was that your assistant, who you hired, would come in and attempt to pull him in to something. The ow that does this, definitely not stupid by any means, they know exactly what they are doing. Then, be receptive to the injured party's . Also, my two cents on your own traits that correlate with the list. Im not one to soft soap or pull punches. Thank You for getting the words right out of my mouth too! Relationship counselor and clinical sexologist Dr. Martha Tara Lee of. He has reeled it in a lot over the years in terms of being more cautious around women. They do not want responsibility for their actions and their exes will mostly be discussed in a bad light. They may carve out a "free night" for themselves, or they will find ways to explain why routine doesn't work with their lifestyle. Anyhow thank you for your valuable insight. Constant anxiety if you cant track down your spouse. "They are invested in the . You have another INFJ here (and former Southerner), but I did not know it was a rare personality type. He enjoys the thrill of the double life, 9. At least there would be a record in her file. I felt so alone, I felt she had finally got her way, then I read others post, some of the blogs, and everything just made more sense. I have found over my 4+ decades that I am unusual, complex and unique. But more importantly, they will do their best to prove to you that they're going to be faithful moving forward. The ow, we despise are the ones that dont give a shit about who they hurt. Now I think theres a good chance of happiness and I truly hope the same for him and his w. If anything he said is to be believed his previous activity was physical and this one was emotional . Maybe they have issues with sexual addiction." Cheaters tend to take stock in the reverse. Now were going to discuss the main reasons why most serial cheaters want to stay in a marriage relationship. Eventually that all dies down, but even though you might not be showering one another with the same attention or affection that you were at the start of it all, typically some kind of spark is still burning. Ad infinitum. Nice people. You can nail his foot to the floor, develop ironclad guidelines, and you can show objective evidence that he is at fault. Thankyou for showing my h, never to trust anyone again, especially relatives like you. Hey, maybe one day introverts will quietly rule the world. Eyes, I do not see you in the same type of light as other other women. You know what sucks more than being cheated on? Those are great recommendations in fact, I have done all of them, including keeping a log of emails, except I have not yet confronted her. I actually told my h that we should celebrate it as our 21st, because the last two years were a nightmare and just didnt seem to be like we were really married, lol because of his ea, and it felt like we lost two years of our life. Still, only you know what is right for you to do. Maybe he still plans on ending the affair. He didnt get to go through all his explanations and get his ego stroked anymore. If youre the unfaithful, get it, read it and carefully consider the advice. Therefore, he will not settle for being less than top dog. I can smell that shit a mile away. "Women's greatest fear is they'll become bag ladies," says Gilda Carle, Ph.D . But since he was too chicken to man up and put his family first and deal with his mess as soon as he knew it was a mess, here I am. Many Wives Think Their Cheating Husband Wants To Stay With Them For These Reasons: Many wives who doubt that their husband really wants to stay married will tell you that he's probably staying out of loyalty or because he doesn't want to lose money or financial possessions thorough a divorce. It helps that his other girlfriend started smashing his windows and slashing his tires and keeping him on a tight rope. The psychology behind their behavior is just too ingrained in who they are as a person. History goes along way for a wife, and a husband, we wives know everything there is to know about our husbands, and they know all there is to know about us. But, he is still a naturally likable guy and many women misread it. But, if you both decide to give your marriage another chance, there must be uncompromising compassion toward . For numerous reasons, but most of them are quite selfish. I knew that was overstepping but I liked it. When a serial cheater is caught, they will look for different ways to justify their behavior. But, I am always extremely nice to her and everyone else at the office. You may even become your own detective, going through his phone, emails, pockets, and online activities. (He had been having an affair under my nose and I had no idea. Answer (1 of 6): We get stuck in the cycle of abuse. What are the warning signs of a cheating partner? They prefer to keep all personal details such as things about their family, who their friends are, and where they work on the DL, too. I have to reassure you his wife knows hes the responsible person in the affair. And what's most heartbreaking about these statistics is, of those who had been cheated on and found out about it, most probably never saw it coming at least, not until it was too late. I just think we impede our own personal growth by only placing the blame on the OW. Amen. Id known my personal turd since I was 15 and he was 17. So I see more recent posts thinking I have the full picture and realise later that there are other golden nuggets that have been waiting in cyberspace. He may not feel fulfilled by a life of monogamy. You ask yourself if he was capable of covering this up, what else was he covering up? A partner who has cheated before is likely to cheat again. If you dont believe me, watch a James Bond film. "Affairs happen for a variety of reasons," Tammy Nelson, PhD, certified sex therapist and an expert consultant for Ashley Madison, a dating site for married people, tells Bustle. On the other hand, they still prefer a safe and comfortable marriage life. 3. This is why God forbids adultery. I guess these guys cheat to prove they can, especially since they are sorry lovers a lot of the time. But it really was. Im sure the wife doesnt have the same opinion but I think you did the right thing by sending the letter. Im addicted to it but it kind of keeps so much that I want to let go, front-of-mind, and sometimes I question if Im hindering or helping my recovery! Unless they have undertaken a long-term process of behavioral modification with the help of a professional, it would be better to assume they will not change. An inability to concentrate, which affects your work. 4. I would HATE to think I had given my love and trust to someone that used me. You have heard this part analysis from our other lovely ladies here, but wanted to add my two cents, for whatever it is worth: You said: I remember liking him as soon as I met him. Hes learned to look past the flattery. 4) displays of affection (not showy embarrassing stuff but a touch of a cheek, a shared moment anything that displays love and affection is rife in your marriage ) would be a good move. Th, exactly, any attention given by the h just makes her misread his intentions for her own good. So being friendly and having people on her side would have helped, I think. As for not friending my Hs co-worker, believe me, I have no intention of doing so. I have observed many a decent woman become temporarily fooled by a married, male narcissist in the office. These women are a standard archetype in the daytime soap operas, but one just does not expect to see such obvious examples in real life. We do it for many reasons, most of which are good. Im just as happy talking to someone once a year as I am every day. Q: How did the affair evolve and what were some of the clues the wife could have seen? No business lunches (since there is no lunch break). They are however getting something from the affair that satisfies a need. Omg, they catch a man hook line and sinker. They try to get their target to feel sorry for them. They Keep Telling Themselves They Will Change. Why the hell not? He always assures me that he never singles anyone out for special treatment or even friendship and I believe it since I have corroborated it. If this type of personality enters into an affair and loves the feeling, it is highly unlikely he will go back to faithful behavior. In the history of the world, it hasnt happened. There are a lot of factors that can contribute to someone's infidelity. One of the main reasons is Serial Cheaters dont have any backup or exit plan to divorce their partner cause they never thought of getting caught. Let's walk through the 6 reasons that a wife should ALWAYS leave a cheating husband. 2. It has almost been a year from the discovery of the first affair back in Oct 2021. The last time I addressed this with him a couple of days ago and talked about the pattern, he says that when she asks again, he will say to her You talk about how you want to get to know Sarah, you text her and email her asking for us to come to your house. She wants your life. "Calling out the wrong name in the heat of passion is a faux pas that's hard to backpedal," Winter explained, while pet names are easy to remember. Fool me twice, shame on me. That phrase originated because of this phenomenon of repeating bad behavior. Brent, The answer is, you can't. For serial cheaters, it's all about them and what they can gain from their affairs. I should mention that the discovery of this second sexual affair came with the admission that the first, was a full blown sexual affair with someone he was making plans to leave me for. 4. Now this man had by all appearances and actions to have not only completely remove himself from all his nefarious contacts by moving across the country and his children. If your partner cheated one time, it may be more shocking to you to find out since they were likely much more open with you from the very beginning.

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