funny responses to what are you doing this weekend

To those who are wondering why this is such a big deal when its just a social pleasantries thing: I *almost* put this in my original questions but left it out for length and (I thought) irrelevance -The question does not bug me at all when people ask at work or social functions as a way to make conversation. You? and see if he gets stuck in a loop. You (if you are up for it potentially) yeah, thatd be fun How to Respond to the Question "What Are You Up To?" I use the phrase same old stuff! In this situation. I get what are you doing this weekend? or just what are you doing? on a Saturday morning. I mean, where are you REALLY from, but whats up is harder, since nothing/dont know tends to elicit a why not? or you should be/do more fun! And I dont know what to say to that, because no just seems rude and I didnt invite them to improve my life. She had already asked him. Hey, dont you owe me one for babysitting last Onesday? What are you up to this weekend? Theres this implication that the only reason you would ever want to say no to their request is if youre already busy, and yeah, thats annoying. And asking someone what theyre doing is not the same as issuing an invitation. It might help to keep in mind that for most people, the question is pretty innocuous. Usually people have to give me a straight answer after that. Any request for someones time, regardless of the setting of the fun variable in your mind. Me: Nope. A question is not a legal summons, you can literally ignore it if you want! But Im willing to bet that LW knows that, and the reason he/she feels annoyed with the people asking it in his/her life are because theres a pattern and something bigger at work like maybe people trying to get him/her to do stuff, or, as he/she noted, people who want to hang out, but with him/her doing all the planning work. So I said, Dont do this. And I hate being rude, also as a woman I am hardcore trained to not ever be rude, so at this point for me sticking to my guns and saying no, I cant do that thing with you (even though this person now knows I technically CAN) is very difficult because it turns into: I dont WANT to do this thing with you, and thats a no-no (around here, I mean). I make a special point to not do that, not even if the thing Im asking for help with is sort of non-negotiable. People here may be disagreeing that it should be a normal social rule, but if you change your behavior to meet that, youll be wrong by other standards. I miss you though, can we plan dinner soon? And I have a date Saturday, but I would love to get a phone call-catchup on the calendar if youre freemaybe Sunday afternoon? (These examples are all people I want to spend time with I also use a lot of swamped this weekend! I ask that question so I wont impose myself on someone by asking them to do something if they already have plans. Me: Nope. THIS. If theyre someone who usually only asks me to do fun stuff, I may say Free as a bird, as long as I dont have to plan on getting up too early. Its the pre-request that to me frequently feels almost manipulative or entrapping. The fallout you talk about? Thats the kind of bullshit that is so often behind the oh Im so nice to your differentness behavior belief that you shouldnt be what you are, and that you probably did something not right to get there. "Thank you, I appreciate that.". But if I dont, I have that empathy worry, like what if they only said yes because they felt like they couldnt say no? There was a bit at first, and SHE had some learning to do in terms of how she reacted (example: her dad said, Were going over to Grandmas tonight, and she started to blow up at us about making plans for her. An alternative then is to actually mention the fact that you are sending them an email. parents of adult children pull this exact same rude little stunt, I am the parent of an adult child who is living at home, and I have been training myself since her teenhood to say, I would like to claim some of your time this weekend or I would like to ask a favor for this weekend, if youre available. or would you help me with X instead of are you busy? (OK, sometimes Ill say, Are you busy? None of us see each other over weekends. Ok so Ive been wanting to go to this play, I was thinking of going to the Friday night show or the Saturday matinee, would you be interested in one of those dates?. If you can walk away from them, they're successful. And maybe just dont think of the flip side where the question could potentially add more pressure. Or you pretend to suddenly get involved in learning new cooking recipes, or working on your car, or doing competitive chess, or something that isnt a once-a-month kind of hobby. ME: Great! It seems to me to have grown somehow out of how do you do, to which the appropriate response was, of course, how do you do. Never trust Calvin, even if you see Hobbes! The method that has been the most successful for me is to ask one person if theyre available/interested in an event, work out a date, and then specify such event in a group chat. This realization is making me like Tuesdays more.) (Rememberif she had specific other plans, thats a reasonable excuse. Thankfully, the discomfort is mostly on my end at this point. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?". I also come from an area that tends to do a lot more indirect communication than I think many parts of the US, though, and tend to prefer a softer communication style unless someones being either rude or unaware enough to force me into being blunt. She didnt have other plans; she just wanted to draw a line in the sand about him telling her what to do. Its hard to navigate things as just small talk when follow-up questions and comments quickly lead to territory I dont want to discuss. She gets what crowds people like and is on point with inviting me to the right events. I m trying to understand the other side, all those people who say they do this to make declining easier, but it just makes no sense to me. And part of why Im asking is because maybe you just havent thought about it in those terms. My workmates and I ask all the time stuff like what are you up to tonight/on the weekend? and its almost never a prelude to inviting them to something, its just small talk sharing our lives. Im in my 20s and married, living away from home, but I feel like Im constantly playing tug-a-war with my parents and were fighting over boundaries. I think you nailed it with that last bit, to an epic degree. 15 Customer Service Email Response Samples for Any Situation I think it can also be a way of getting to know a person, or the kind of small talk that people in some regions feel they HAVE to make if they want to be polite. I sympathize with their reasons for having trouble planning, but I also do find it a little irksome that they only initiate actual plans once a year for their birthday while still making all the sounds about wanting to hang out. When I am planning an event I usually offer a description of what I have planned first and then we move to scheduling but most of that is done in social media or by e-mail these days. I think w/ friends, if youre open to the getting together, you can say, Were you thinking of trying to get together? in a hopeful tone. There were several problems that led to the death of that relationship, but communication (on both sides) was for sure one of them. If they want to invite me to something Im interested in and available for, I can say yes, and if its something I cant do, I can say I have other plans, etc without it sounding weird. Is this just aimless small-talk? They may just be an indirect communicator, and Hey, want to go have dinner might feel too abrupt without any conversational preamble. It always makes me a little uncomfortable, because Im not used to grocery store cashiers asking me how I am. Especially since shes not working during the dayshe only HAS leisure time.). Sometimes I might even say, its okay if you dont want to, its not urgent, but I was wondering if you could possibly help babysit Saturday? And if I run into but surely you dont need BOTH days to yourself? Im also prepared to retort with something like, Maybe you dont, but Im very excited for two days to decompress. Its very jarring to see that thrown around when its a nasty slur here in the UK. I have actually thought about writing in about this one as well. What are you doing Thursday is a way to start a convo gently and without losing face, giving the answerer has the option of answering negatively, positively, or neutrally. Well, it is a basic level of people-ing that you need to get used to if you want to interact with other humans, yanno. Its 2018. To contact our editors please use our contact form. How much stuff is there? @Helen Huntingdon, that is good to know, re feelings and setting off yellow flags. That would feel like a very odd response if I were making small-talk with the question. It is trickery and so frustrating. Funny Responses To What Are You Doing Actively waiting for my problems to go away. 4. 110 Weekend Quotes to Wish You a Restful Break - Quote Ambition Can I get back to you later? In truth that is an honest answer, my schedule would fall like a house of cards without my calendar and unless it is an emergency I truly have to check it. If they want to tell you about their job, they can. [Note to my friend who also reads CA, this is not you ], I tend to do direct invites, sometimes with a range of possible dates, but I have occasionally done the We should do [X] sometime! and had months go by without getting around to organizing [X], even if Ive extended other invitations to the person also interested in [X]. Probably just working on some homework. He said, Oh yeah? and just went on, no indication that he was asking for any reason other than general curiosity. I know its a big favor, but obviously I would pay you, and I have cable, high-speed internet, and a chocolate fountain with dark, milk, and bittersweet streams. It follows the script they want, which is that the person they are targeting needs their approval of their reason for pleading off. Since youre not busy, do you want to go to [event] with me? I also feel compelled to give easy ways out when I feel like Im making a request, including ending requests with and no is a perfectly acceptable answer.. If you have a new question, start a new topic. This relationship goes both ways. I dont hear it much in my circles, and if it does come up I just say something noncommittal and wait for them to present a direct invitation or request if they want to. to add: I think if there are people youre close to who do this a lot, like your sister, you can just tell them its a small thing but it bugs you and can they please ask a different way. If you have a faaaaaaaamlyyyyyyyyyyyyyy culture where not providing free labor on demand for family makes you the jerk, lean in to it and accept the mantle of jerk; this frees you from ever needing to try to avoid that label in the future. ***I realize some people do not have strong preferences about things I have read the CA letters about this very subject and sometime it is okay to say you dont have a preference, but it never hurts to actually engage in the decision making process instead of just dumping it all on another person. In the age of smartphones I also often find that my calendar is inside the device Im holding up to my ear In theory I could ask them to pause the conversation while I check the calendar, but I havent yet found a script to actually get them to stop talking while I do that. *drops a house on MLM guy*, Heh. Add me as another one for Why? or Why do you ask? Because Ive discovered the people who ask what Im doing are usually people who want to ask me to do something they know I wont want to do (usually. No matter how old you are, you don't want to be badgered about your life choices. But its also true I can (usually) reorganize my schedule enough to accommodate plans I want to attend. She asked me if we were doing anything on a certain day and I was like I cant think of what it is right now but we are definitely doing something that day. She then mentioned a big thing that was on in town this week and yes, that was in fact the thing that we were going to, so I was like Yes! I appreciate the suggestions about responses, having to deal with a pushy in-law (nosy for information and has a big sense of entitlement). Even when its not meant as a hostile act (merely as an exoticising one thats so cool/I used to want to travel there/is it true that people there do x) being othered never feels welcoming. The good news is that when you sense an ulterior motive or that an invitation is imminent you can answer Dunno, Id have to look at my calendar to say for sure. Rock on, Helen. 3. Its not extreme when your life has several of those sharks who ask that just to trap you. Those of us who are white have a hard time grasping the sheer weirdness that tends to go into this stuff. I also ignore We should hang out soon! It doesnt replace actually reaching out to me and trying to set up plans. Because it's funny when friends say they'd only run in chased and we know that's perfect because we could run longer. Thats just the question it looks like. ' If you ' re studying, doing homework or anything else you deem daunting, this is a great text to send your crush. This way Im letting them know why in the same breath, and giving them a potential out. I might not feel quite as entitled to her time, but Id probably still think there were some things I could ask of her that shed be wrong to refuse. That said, I tend to think the person asked, they can damn well deal with the answer. So nowadays Ill say something like Im probably going to do [X], but thats not urgent if you want to hang out instead! or I need to do [X] but I have time for a quick dinner if youre interested. (People who are not the boything get oh, Ive got laundry because theres almost nobody else Im willing to make same-day plans with. I clean up nice, don't I. Anyway, the grad students said one woman asked, How do you think she got like that? and others nodded with pursed lips, agreeing that there was something wrong there. Him: Good. Be polite. And sometimes the answer is well but if they respond that way theyre not your friends anyway, but we interact with a lot of people who are not our friends but who are important to our lives (coworkers, for example, or in-laws) and yet who can levy that cost. When we nearly got evicted from our housing situation, I was critically busy trying to find an apartment for me and the housemates, and it kind of annoyed me to have friends pinging me like Heyyy, I miss you, can we get lunch this week, without finding out if I was actually available first. YES, THIS. Except LW specifically said that with the peer-friends who are not using it as entrapment, LW doesnt find it problematic at all. I had a two-day conversation with my cat about vacuums versus lint rollers. "See, I will finally make you smile.". One of my long-time boundaries is I wont date a guy who cant properly carry out an invitation and follow it through. Silly Friend: do you want to do (thing)? Sometimes we have plans that I can adjust if there is something she wants to do. Now the only person allowed to see my personal calendar is my husband, who is completely uninterested. 2, They ask assuming Im also from somwhere else, prepared to bond over that and my answer is almost always a small dissapointment and Im never sure quite what to do with that. You could just ask. )in a way that seems to be back firing. I know theyre just trying to be friendly but it gets exhausting that starting Wednesday I have to deal with so what are you up to this weekend and then AGAIN on Monday what did you do this weekend? (So I guess Tuesday is the only day safe from that question, ha. I read that post all the time. Is it just me? And so if it happens to me, I wind up agreeing to the thing even if maybe I normally wouldnt have, because now I have no valid excuse for declining. Text N Girls Pua Game PDF | PDF | Text Messaging | Guru - Scribd How about you? If they push after that, theyre admitting theyre either not listening or not respecting my feelings. My Kid: No (shuts door again) Need some help actually. And I had to say to her, over the airport thing: Act like a grownup. Oh, the usual, you? 3. Oh, stop it, will you? They say hey, and you reply with the same. It can mean I want to make plans if youre freewhich, for me at least, isnt so much plan it for me as planning is hard, lets establish if theres even an open time slot before we nail down the details. (You could also just say no and keep going, but that can cause conflict with them, which you might or might not want.) You: Yeah, we should. Important points about both solutions is a) she gets to participate in the decision and doesnt just get told and b) she makes her own timetable about chores. Amazing what showering can do for you. He doesnt need to be that nosy about how you spend your time. As such, I like to preface it with taking care of some stuff. Its just small talk! Ill let you know closer to the day if thats okay. If it requires more notice, I tell them to count me out. Making conversions . or are you busy?). , I am in a cat trance. 300 Weekend Captions for Instagram to Salute All Working - getchip Your parent or in-law will not die if they cant railroad your schedule. You are never going to stop hearing this question from relative strangers and new acquaintances, but I think with close friends or family, you should be able to say to them the next time, you know Im a pretty straightforward person; if you want to invite me to something you can just ask me directly. or some variation thereof. Give small truths. If I say why and she responds with something easily done another time or only sort of appealing, Ill judge it against a nice evening of doing nothing and maybe pass. On a walk with my dinosaur. Im planning an event on Day, are you free? With some people, though, perfect honesty might be the best solution if you expect them to follow you closely in social media: Uh oh, that week is really busy and I am going to be very tired and stressed in [time]. I understand the concept, but it seems to me that getting an invitation after revealing that you were nominally free at that time would make refusal even harder, not easier. interactions that I think stand a significant chance of blowing up in peoples faces. Like, say you pretend to take up crochet, and designate working on my crochet projects/gifts as your backup plan, and so when people you know are assholes about this ask you have the backup plan. Things have a funny way of working out. But you, yours steals the show every time. "Continue breathing." BTW, the most usual response to that last exchange is, "Works for me!" Depending upon the sophistication of the inquisitor, the final line may be "Continued respiration." Sponsored by Interview Success Formula Job interview secrets revealed. Our college was selling cheap tickets for an outdoor ice skating event. Stopping people you vaguely know on the street, without a care for what theyre doing or where theyre going, invading their privacy without having asked for and received prior permission for a scheduled social encounter, and then taking up their precious time to interrogate their current mood is, not surprisingly, offputting to some! Go For a Run: Once again, running will not require spending any money, only your energies. That would have been a really frightening prospect for me. If its something Im keen on, the answer is, Woot! )/co-workers, who usually uses the So what are you doing this weekend? as an opener to telling me all the awesome stuff theyve planned for themself for the weekend. 3. Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. LW has a LOT of reason to be bugged by this approach to seeking a date it carries a hefty implied threat because of what abusive men in our society have built it into en masse. Am I? I also get your daughter refusing to comply with requests that arent made with at least normal adult civility it was not even a request, in fact, but an order. 7. Reading, learning, documentaries, podcasts, etc. So with someone new, Did you do anything good last weekend? And I agree that literally saying No, I dont want to get to know you better is a bit off. "It's happening.". If she wants to NOT have some other grownup setting a price on her activities occasionally, she can get a job and move out, and then I wont be saying, a couple of times a month, if youre home tonight, I need you for X..